I am seriously darn pissed with today's drivers. I don't mean just today itself but the rest of my days on the road. Why do people go so slow on the right lane when they can do so on the left? To rub salt to the wound, some would totally and literally crawl when the light turns green and when it starts to turn red, they speed off. WTF is this? The person at the back will curse and swear la, and that person happens to be me. Dammit.
Instead of the glow on my face when it's time to head on home, I have to face this. Instead of singing to the happy tunes on my radio, I have to yell and curse and waste every bit of my breath left and by the time I get home, all hell breaks loose with me being scorned.
What's the use of owning a car but not having the ethics and etiquette to drive properly? Whoever said slow and steady drivers are much better off in terms of safety while driving? That's total bull if you ask me. Some dopes can neither see right nor left and drive so slow as if time owes them so much and they do not have anything to possibly worry bout or at least look forward to go home to. Well most of us do FYI. These are the idiots who cause the uncalled for accidents - just read about the news we have today and you can safely deduce that not all of them are caused by fast drivers, only reckless ones, and some even slower ones that causes the back fella to be in such a rage and 'fury-fied' (if there's such a word) and then you know what follows after that la.
So, please, the next time you're on the road, if you intend to go slow, just keep well off to the left-est lane and don't block them time-hungry people who essentially need that second of every minute.
*Pants coughs sighs* Ok with that, I rest my case. Also, there is no need for kopi-o license bribery when you can drive well.
And If you can't drive properly, just very well stay at home and take public transport. Peace out.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, December 7, 2009
5 Valuable Lessons..
LESSON 1 A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you arethree, I will allow one wish each"So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff. and he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff. and he was also gone.The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm." MORAL OF THE STORY IS: "ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"
LESSON 2 Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand, "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?""Certainly," said the young executive.He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy." LESSON II: "NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING"
LESSON 3 An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA When the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean." The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......??? " The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind Of 'key' was he.The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -key'am I?!" The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?" LESSON III: "NEVER INSULT ANYONE"
LESSON 4 There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you A wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true." The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted, "WINE".The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!! ......... "
LESSON IV: "THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN"
LESSON 5 The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was In charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up: Brain....... .. I should be in charge because I run all body functions.Blood....... . I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for thebrain.Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain. Legs........ . I should be in charge because I take the brain where it Wants to go.Eyes........ . I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it'sgoing.Asshole..... I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste. All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever. Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief Day 2 -Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.
MORAL OF THE STORY: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE".........
LESSON 2 Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand, "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?""Certainly," said the young executive.He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy." LESSON II: "NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING"
LESSON 3 An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA When the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean." The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......??? " The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind Of 'key' was he.The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -key'am I?!" The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?" LESSON III: "NEVER INSULT ANYONE"
LESSON 4 There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you A wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true." The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted, "WINE".The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!! ......... "
LESSON IV: "THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN"
LESSON 5 The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was In charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up: Brain....... .. I should be in charge because I run all body functions.Blood....... . I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for thebrain.Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain. Legs........ . I should be in charge because I take the brain where it Wants to go.Eyes........ . I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it'sgoing.Asshole..... I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste. All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever. Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief Day 2 -Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.
MORAL OF THE STORY: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE".........
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Don't Be Too Smart! Pay up Your Debts!
Managing to survive during these tough economic times!
A husband working abroad wrote to his wife...
DEAR Sunita Darling,
I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crises has affected my company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart, please adjust.
Your loving husband,
JALENDER SINGH
His wife replied...
TINKU KE PAPPA ,
Thanks for the 100 kisses, Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses...:
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month'smilk.
2. The electricity man agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.
3. Your landlord Balkar Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.
4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand.
5. Miscellanoeous expenses 40 kisses.
Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can survive the month using this balance...Shall I plan the same for the next month? Please Advise!
Your Sweet Heart,
Kichi
A husband working abroad wrote to his wife...
DEAR Sunita Darling,
I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crises has affected my company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart, please adjust.
Your loving husband,
JALENDER SINGH
His wife replied...
TINKU KE PAPPA ,
Thanks for the 100 kisses, Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses...:
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month'smilk.
2. The electricity man agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.
3. Your landlord Balkar Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.
4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand.
5. Miscellanoeous expenses 40 kisses.
Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can survive the month using this balance...Shall I plan the same for the next month? Please Advise!
Your Sweet Heart,
Kichi
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Truly Malaysian
Got this from an email.. It was hilarious to think that we are what we are... There's no way we can ever change that..
Beats me where they got their sources from..
This is Malaysia - What A True Malaysian Should Know
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS :Ajinomoto
NATIONAL INSTANT FOOD :Maggi Mee
NATIONAL BREAKFAST :Nasi Lemak
NATIONAL LUNCH :Nasi Ayam
NATIONAL SUPPER :Roti Canai & Teh Tarik
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE :Traffic Jam
NATIONAL CONDOM :None. Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed buying condoms.So they rushed into a 7-11, hurriedly grab the nearest pack, any pack,pay and leave before the cashier can even blink an eye.
NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION :Pineapple
NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK :Stout. Many Malaysian men swear by it. But then after a few pints theystart swearing at everything.
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (MEN) :Food Poisoning
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (WOMEN) :Menstrual Pain
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY WOMEN WHEN REFUSING SEX :Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep,mother-in-law around, earlyappointment, food not digested yet, aircond not cold enough, aircond toocold, nail polish not dry yet, forgot to take the pill, sleepy, stomachcramps, period, haven't remove make-up, haven't shower, no water supply,going to watch 'Santa Barbara', depress, no mood, etc...
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY MEN WHEN REFUSING SEX :None. Malaysian men never refuse sex.
NATIONAL CURE FOR DIARRHOEA :Cap Kaki Tiga. Down one bottle with warm water and you are all 'driedup'.
NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES :Panadol. The 'cure for all'. If it fails we have another secret weapon- Tiger Balm.
NATIONAL CURE FOR NAUSEA :Moh Fah Kor.
NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS:Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.
NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES) :Happy Hours.
NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES) :The sight of a police road block.
NATIONAL RICE COOKER :NATIONAL Rice Cooker
NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP :Anywhere. As long as it is not your house.
NATIONAL MOST MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME :Carrefour. Sometimes even pronounced as Carry 4!
NATIONAL ANSWER FOR 'WHERE ARE YOU' ? :- on the way.
NATIONAL OFFICIAL TIME FOR BEING LATE :- 10 minutes
NATIONAL REASON FOR PRICE INCREASE :Petrol naik lagi kawan... semua barang pun kena naik ler... inclusivechicken meat?
NATIONAL REASON FOR PETROL INCREASE :Still cheaper than other country la....
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR CAUSING TRAFFIC JAM :there was accident on the other side of the road.. of course must slowdown and tengok-tengok, kaypoh-kaypoh lah!
NATIONAL REASON WHEN REJECTING INVITATION :'I got some work to do la..u all go first la..'
NATIONAL REASON FOR COLLAPSED BUILDINGS & LEAKY PARLIAMENT ROOFS :An act of God. Definitely nothing to with greased palms and poorquality control. Nope, none whatsoever.
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR IRRESPONSIBLE POLITICAL STATEMENTS :None. We were misquoted.
NATIONAL MINISTERIAL REASON FOR INCREASING TOLL RATES :Orang cakap mau naik mesti mau naik lah! Lu ingat ini jalan saya punyabapak punya kah?!
NATIONAL REASON FOR HAVING BIG ONION DOMES ON TAXPAYER FUNDED PUBLICBUILDINGS :Dunno. It's not as if we're anywhere near the middle east.
NATIONAL REASON FOR SPURNING BAILOUT PACKAGES FROM FOREIGN CARCOMPANIES :We're about to unveil another badly designed low budget car, which,coupled with our notorious customer service and corporate mismanagement,will see us bankrupt againwithin the next 5 years. And so we have absolutely no need for theGermans and their silly car-making and market-positioning knowhow, thankyou very much.
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR JUMPING QUEUE (TRAFFIC JAM OR WHAT EVER QUEUE) :Everybody doing what lah.......
NATIONAL EXCUSE NOT PAYING SAMAN ACCORDING TO DUE DATE :Relax ler... government will give discount one of these days
NATIONAL EXCUSE TO BRIBE (ANY CONDITION) :Give them minum kopi lar...
Beats me where they got their sources from..
This is Malaysia - What A True Malaysian Should Know
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS :Ajinomoto
NATIONAL INSTANT FOOD :Maggi Mee
NATIONAL BREAKFAST :Nasi Lemak
NATIONAL LUNCH :Nasi Ayam
NATIONAL SUPPER :Roti Canai & Teh Tarik
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE :Traffic Jam
NATIONAL CONDOM :None. Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed buying condoms.So they rushed into a 7-11, hurriedly grab the nearest pack, any pack,pay and leave before the cashier can even blink an eye.
NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION :Pineapple
NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK :Stout. Many Malaysian men swear by it. But then after a few pints theystart swearing at everything.
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (MEN) :Food Poisoning
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (WOMEN) :Menstrual Pain
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY WOMEN WHEN REFUSING SEX :Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep,mother-in-law around, earlyappointment, food not digested yet, aircond not cold enough, aircond toocold, nail polish not dry yet, forgot to take the pill, sleepy, stomachcramps, period, haven't remove make-up, haven't shower, no water supply,going to watch 'Santa Barbara', depress, no mood, etc...
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY MEN WHEN REFUSING SEX :None. Malaysian men never refuse sex.
NATIONAL CURE FOR DIARRHOEA :Cap Kaki Tiga. Down one bottle with warm water and you are all 'driedup'.
NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES :Panadol. The 'cure for all'. If it fails we have another secret weapon- Tiger Balm.
NATIONAL CURE FOR NAUSEA :Moh Fah Kor.
NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS:Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.
NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES) :Happy Hours.
NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES) :The sight of a police road block.
NATIONAL RICE COOKER :NATIONAL Rice Cooker
NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP :Anywhere. As long as it is not your house.
NATIONAL MOST MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME :Carrefour. Sometimes even pronounced as Carry 4!
NATIONAL ANSWER FOR 'WHERE ARE YOU' ? :- on the way.
NATIONAL OFFICIAL TIME FOR BEING LATE :- 10 minutes
NATIONAL REASON FOR PRICE INCREASE :Petrol naik lagi kawan... semua barang pun kena naik ler... inclusivechicken meat?
NATIONAL REASON FOR PETROL INCREASE :Still cheaper than other country la....
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR CAUSING TRAFFIC JAM :there was accident on the other side of the road.. of course must slowdown and tengok-tengok, kaypoh-kaypoh lah!
NATIONAL REASON WHEN REJECTING INVITATION :'I got some work to do la..u all go first la..'
NATIONAL REASON FOR COLLAPSED BUILDINGS & LEAKY PARLIAMENT ROOFS :An act of God. Definitely nothing to with greased palms and poorquality control. Nope, none whatsoever.
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR IRRESPONSIBLE POLITICAL STATEMENTS :None. We were misquoted.
NATIONAL MINISTERIAL REASON FOR INCREASING TOLL RATES :Orang cakap mau naik mesti mau naik lah! Lu ingat ini jalan saya punyabapak punya kah?!
NATIONAL REASON FOR HAVING BIG ONION DOMES ON TAXPAYER FUNDED PUBLICBUILDINGS :Dunno. It's not as if we're anywhere near the middle east.
NATIONAL REASON FOR SPURNING BAILOUT PACKAGES FROM FOREIGN CARCOMPANIES :We're about to unveil another badly designed low budget car, which,coupled with our notorious customer service and corporate mismanagement,will see us bankrupt againwithin the next 5 years. And so we have absolutely no need for theGermans and their silly car-making and market-positioning knowhow, thankyou very much.
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR JUMPING QUEUE (TRAFFIC JAM OR WHAT EVER QUEUE) :Everybody doing what lah.......
NATIONAL EXCUSE NOT PAYING SAMAN ACCORDING TO DUE DATE :Relax ler... government will give discount one of these days
NATIONAL EXCUSE TO BRIBE (ANY CONDITION) :Give them minum kopi lar...
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Beware of Fake Money
These days scams are inevitable. Brace yourself with the worst case scenario(s). We have to keep ourselves safe!
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